How to keep romance in a marriage

How to keep romance in a marriage

Keeping romance in your marriage after spending years together is like trying to insert an elephant into the living room and ignoring it.  For some reason we all think that romance is something that shouldn’t be talked about but should ‘just happen’.  Fortunately that just isn’t true!

This is fortunate because you now have control over the how to keep romance in a marriage and you aren’t at the mercy of fate. 

After several years of marriage most couples fall into habits.  We begin to take our spouse for granted and as children enter the relationship romance becomes a diminishing factor.  Marriage shouldn’t be the end of romance but rather the beginning. 

It is a comedic joke that the last time a man says ‘I love you’ is during the wedding ceremony.  After all, the woman heard it once, that should be enough!  Nor is it funny when a woman doesn’t respect or appreciate the work and effort that her husband does for the family

Women and men have basic needs that, when met, engender feelings of love and romance for the other spouse.  Women have a basic need to be loved and when loved they show respect to their husbands.  And men have a deep and basic need to be respected – and when shown respect, will in return show love to their spouse.

When these needs are met keeping romance in a marriage becomes less work and more an effort of love.  Expressions of your love can take the form of notes in packed lunches, calls in the middle of the afternoon just to say I love you or whispered words out of earshot of little people.  Each of these communications must be meant specifically for the other person and without extraneous thoughts.  Such as, the phone call in the middle of the afternoon shouldn’t be to arrange rides for football practice with an ‘I love you’ thrown in at the end.

Research has shown that humans respond well to touch and in fact, to stay healthy most people need to be touched an average of 8 times a day.  This includes hugs, hand holding or arms around the shoulders.  Many moms get this human touch during the day with their children and may over look the needs of their husbands for the very same nurturing.  Touch is a powerful healer and relationship builder.  Don’t limit touch to the bedroom or both of you will begin to equate touch only with sex. 

Make a point to hug your spouse when they return from work.  They are, after all, returning from a long days battle with work, which can be physically draining and emotional exhausting.

Keeping romance in your marriage is often answered with a few surprises.  In any relationship a romantic surprise is appreciated.  Find a sitter for the children and whisk your spouse away to a musical event, and evening at romantic restaurant or an evening at a hotel with new lingerie.

Remember to use words of appreciation at least once each day.  In most relationships, marriages included, after a couple of years it is the negative comments that are spoken most often.  Habits that were once endearing are now irritating.  Research has shown that it takes eight positive statements to erase the hurt that one negative statement will cause.  When your habit is to speak positive statements then the occasional negative one that slips out won’t be devastating.Notice the small things. When she wears a new pair of earrings or he gets a haircut, new clothes they wear or the new way they wear their hair. Relationships do not produce themselves. Showing appreciation for things done or noticing new things you tend to your relationship and help ensure the future

Other ways to keep the romance in a marriage is to try to date once a week. Even if the date is out for dinner and a movie, or someone made ​​a special dinner for the other, while the children are not at a time playing. Spending time together, just the two of you will help keep the intimate relationship

Take a vacation together without friends, family or children. You do not have to be gone for a week, even a weekend at a fancy hotel will help melt the stress of everyday life and help the two reconnect romantic

Close and intimate discussions are another way to increase the romance in your relationship. Romance is a connection with another person and the connection occurs when you share experiences. Exercise, holidays, events, movies, plays, music; all these are experiences you can share together, which will increase the bond between you

Concentrate on each other, watch the words that you say during the busy day and make a special time for each other during the week.  How to keep romance in a marriage will become second nature when you incorporate these small things into your day